


You're still The One

by Ra_chelB



Series: Johnica Week 2021 [3]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bonding, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internal Conflict, Isolation, Married Couple, Married Life, References to Depression, Relationship Issues, Reunions, Self Confidence Issues, Smoking, but we know that did'n happen, couple reunion, healing relationship, mentions of divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ra_chelB/pseuds/Ra_chelB
Summary: After the Magic Tour and a rough patch in their relationship, John and Veronica decided to work on them and took extended vacations in Biarritz with the family. To John, it seems like his life has been shattered in a million pieces, but he's determined to glue them back together. Healing takes time, but he's not alone...Written for the Johnica Week 2021, it's a sort of prequel to my latest Christmas fic. There's a lot of stream of consciousness here so forgive me for eventual repetitions or mistakes, I wrote it more with my heart than with my brain hahah-Prompts: On holiday, chasing your heart.
Relationships: John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Series: Johnica Week 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102100
Comments: 12
Kudos: 17





	You're still The One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [But now it's Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28241775) by [Ra_chelB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ra_chelB/pseuds/Ra_chelB). 



Late August 1986

The morning breeze hit John's face as soon as he opened the door window and sneaked outside, filling his head with its typical scent of salt and cold sand. This wasn't going to be a sunny day, the sky was grey and the sea would've been too cold to have a bath. 

John lit up his cigarette and blew out a puff of smoke as grey as the clouds, he leaned on the balcony and admired the French sea in front of him. Despite the breeze and the clouds it was rather calm and he could see some boats on its surface, far away. 

His mind compared this flat sea with the oceans of people he's been in front of in the past months, how the waves of the last tour weren't playful and funny as usual but huge stormy waves that kept pulling and pushing him from side to side without control, and he's been going down and down until he had reached the bottom, unable to breathe and see. 

_ We need a goddamn pause. A long one this time, I can't do this anymore. _

He took another long blow before releasing the smoke, while Freddie's words echoed in his mind. All of them knew they had reached the top and the bottom at the same time with this tour, and when they agreed to make a pause to focus on private lives and personal projects it was like taking a breath of fresh air, finally. 

Brian, Roger and Freddie were all already writing new stuff and going around for their solos, but John needed to fix something first. Something that his hyper-remunerative, over the top and creative job was violently shattering into a million pieces and he didn't know whether to glue them together or put them aside and restart from scratch. 

That was the price of fame, they said.

While smoking in silence he heard the door window sliding open and closing behind his back. 

He glanced at his side to see Veronica curled up in a warm shawl and handing him a hoodie. 

"It's pretty cold this morning." She gave him a little smile and he slid in the hoodie, soon realising how better it felt. 

Veronica took out her lighter and lit up a cigarette as well, blowing the first puff of smoke towards the sea. John didn't really like that she took that bad habit as well not so long after him, but at least she didn't fall into alcohol too like he did. Trying to get clean was another challenge he was facing, the bottle constantly charming him like a delicious poison filled with screams and lies.

They stood on the balcony in silence for a while, a million thoughts in their heads. 

"Too bad the weather's like this today, I wanted to swim…" John broke the silence a bit awkwardly. Talking about the weather with your wife wasn't a good sign but that's where they were, a bunch of pieces in a hand and some glue in the other, figuring out from where to start. 

"Yeah…" She replied, seeming tired. "We could watch a couple of movies and play something. Monopoly, maybe, Robert owes me a rematch." She grinned and blew out the smoke. 

"It's a good idea." John nodded. He had no idea of when was the last time she played Monopoly with Robert and how it went, he wasn't home. 

He had no idea about so many things. Robert, Michael, Laura, little Joshua that wasn't so little anymore. 

Feeling like a stranger to the people you love the most, not being able to have them on tour anymore, seeing his bandmates with  _ their _ smaller kids instead, that's been breaking his heart with a hammer. 

When he came home they had greeted him with the usual shower of hugs and kisses, but he noticed how they all clung more to their mommy, she was their sun and he felt meaningless, just like an asteroid passing by. 

Glue the pieces back together or put them aside? He couldn't bear to put them away, unlike he had first thought. 

He had thought he was unnecessary for them, that's why he asked for the divorce. She had thought he wanted more freedom and that her and the kids were just a weight for him, that's why she had accepted. Among many other reasons that have broken everything altogether piece by piece.

This holiday was meant to make them understand what they really wanted, a last chance they gave to each other to see what was really important and how to go on. 

And it was coming out as clear as the morning breeze that they were both very wrong: it was worth it to glue the pieces together, no matter how tedious and hard it was going to be.

"Who's better at Monopoly? I need to know my rivals." He gave her a smirk and Ronnie pouted her lips, thinking. 

"Robert is reeeally good at strategy, Mike is a disaster, Laura is blessed by pure luck. Josh is still learning, he does the banker." 

"And you?" He couldn't leave her out, not anymore.

"I have my ups and downs, but I swear I don't let them win! … Well, maybe sometimes I help Mike too much." She let out a little, genuine chuckle and John felt something gripping his heart and squeezing it all of a sudden. 

Her laugh was about that solar system he felt a stranger to and he wanted to be part of it again  _ so _ hard that he was ready to stop being an asteroid and turn himself into a planet. Once again, he couldn't put away the pieces, not now that he had the time to glue them together. 

"I'll keep that in mind!" He gave her a genuine smile. Her reply was just a soft blush appearing on her cheeks, which she tried to hide looking away. 

John knew she was aware that he was trying to make things work again, but he had to work hard himself to gain back her trust. He had played with her trust too much.

He took a couple of blows and shut his cigarette off in the glass ashtray.

"Veronica?"

Her name burned on his lips and in her ears. 

She hummed, turning towards him and finding his sad eyes as gray as the sea staring at her.

"I want to be a good father for our kids, for real. I don't know what I was thinking when I said it was better to leave you… you and them. I feel such an idiot." John felt tears stinging in his eyes, how could've been so stupid? 

"You are." She huffed out some smoke, shaking her cigarette. "But you're  _ our _ idiot, John, and trust me if I tell you we want you with us. They're so proud of what you've achieved and they always asked me about you… they would  _ always _ ask about their dad." 

"Then why do I still feel like a stranger?" He murmured trying to not break his voice and Veronica felt her heart sinking.

"You know why… If you really want to stay, then demonstrate it. You're already doing amazing, bringing them here on holiday was a good idea. They love you, they just need to get used again to your presence." She gave him a sorrowful smile.

"And… and you?" His question took her off guard, but she didn’t lose her composure.

"I'm always here, you know." 

John knew it was true, she's always been there while he was flying around the world, trying to run away from his own fears when the safest place for him was his house. He had no idea where she found all the patience she had for still holding up with him after all he did to her. 

“I’m sorry. For everything.” It was all he could whisper.

“I know.” Veronica turned off her cigarette and softly brushed her hand on his arm before walking back inside. She stopped at the door and looked back at him.

“It’s early, there’s still time for a nap. Come in?” 

He looked at her slim figure framed by the glass and his arms ached to hold her close, pretending that nothing had ever happened. 

He walked in their room and slid under the covers next to her, but he wasn't sure if he should've done anything, maybe it was too early.

Much to his surprise, Veronica shifted closer and curled up next to him, against his chest. She fell asleep and he began to admire her, the small imperfections and signs of her age on her skin, her delicate hands, how her hair framed her face, how her thin lips slightly parted while sleeping. John knew that trying to glue the pieces together was worth all the effort it required, he was determined to fight for what he had. He winded an arm around her shoulders and dozed off.

\---*---

Biarritz soon revealed to be a perfect bubble of warmth and security, during their month long holiday John did his best to recover all the time he lost away from his family and soon the kids -as Veronica predicted- began sticking to him again whenever they could. 

Laura clung to his chest whenever a big wave scared her, Joshua asked to be carried on his shoulders, Michael begged  _ him _ to buy a new toy and not his mom, Robert asked for a hand with some math homework and ended up talking about physics in Star Wars and on how to build a lightsaber. 

Every hug and every kiss they gave on his cheeks was the most treasured prize, a new piece glued at its place, a renewed glow in his heart he never wanted to let go. 

He spent his days also looking at his wife, analysing her movements, trying to catch a glimpse of her thoughts at every change of expression, trying to be as helpful as he could and being at her side.

Eventually, he found himself unearthing some feelings for her he thought were buried deep down in his past. 

She was always hard working like a busy bee even on holiday and he tried to imagine her even more busy whenever he wasn't there to help her with the hardest tasks. And she was so beautiful to his eyes, so familiar and yet always a surprise. 

John knew she had the habit of bottling up everything in her mind pretending it was all ok until she ended up with heavy headaches and a heartbreak, while he was more prone to lose his temper instead and wash his problems away with a long run by himself or with a couple of extra drinks. Drinks that now were prohibited. 

But this wasn't time to bottle up feelings or run away again, this holiday was meant to fix stuff, and so they mutually decided to talk for a while every night before going to sleep, just the two of them. 

It took guts by both sides, but it was important, it was part of working it out. 

As the tangle unraveled night after night, they got closer inch by inch, until their habit of sleeping back to back became facing each other first and spooning next, it became holding hands during their daily walks in the city and nestling onto each other while watching a movie on the sofa. The pieces were being glued together. Maybe not perfectly, the cracks were there, angry and very visible, but it was working. 

The asteroid John chased the sun Veronica, first beginning to gravitate around her, then becoming a planet, and then he started to glow as a star. Now they were both the Sun, shining together again, enlightening their small solar system.

He had told her this image he's been having about his family on the last day of holiday, before going back to London and getting in touch again with some friends to collaborate in their songs and videos. Nothing as huge as a Queen comeback, his bandmates were still busy, but he wanted a slow and quiet restart with little things. 

Veronica let out a chuckle at his mental association but it wasn't a mocking laugh, more a surprised one. 

"Did you really think of me as the Sun?" 

"Well, yes… especially when the kids do that silly dance around you if they want something." 

She thought about it and couldn't help but agree. And she was happy they restarted doing that thing around John too. 

"I don't want to go back to London…" She confessed and John turned to look at her.

"Why?" 

"I… I'm afraid it will be like before again…" There was a tremble in her voice and John propped himself on his elbows, facing her seriously. 

"Ronnie… I won't throw away all the efforts I made this holiday to fix the mess I've done, I won't neglect you again." 

She stared into his eyes looking for a truth in his statement.

"You know you've already made this promise?" She whispered and John swallowed loudly knowing she was right, he'd been playing with her trust too many times and she had all the reasons to not believe him. 

But he also knew in his heart that this time was much different.

"That time I didn't reach the bottom yet. Now I did, and I don't want to go back there, I want to be with my family. I feel safe with you all, it feels warm and makes me happy more than anything else." 

His voice came out firm and serious, not leaving the chance to any other doubt and Veronica kept her eyes locked with his, diving in their greyness, and understood. 

"And besides… I've bought this house, we can come back and have a quiet time whenever we want!" He bloomed in a smile all of a sudden and Veronica widened her eyes in disbelief.

"You have…?" 

"Yep, I really like it here. It's quiet, reserved, safe, and I'd love to have more holidays here, what do you think? We can go to the beach in summer and ski in winter!" He hoped his surprise would be well accepted. It hasn't been a rushed decision, as always he's been thinking very well about it before coming to a solution. 

"I… oh, my French is awful, but… yeah, we can come here again, sure." Her reply was heartwarming and she already started daydreaming of their time together on the French seaside.

"Ronnie?" He whispered after a while, breaking her trail of thoughts.

"Hmm?" 

"Can I… can I kiss you?" 

She gave him a small, almost imperceptible nod and a whisper.

"Yes." 

He leaned in with his heart thumping loudly and brushed his lips with hers, slowly and with a glimpse of uncertainty. 

It's been a while, a  _ long _ while; they've both been so patient because they knew rushing things and burying their problems with physical pleasure was the wrong way to solve them, but now they were healing, slowly, with baby steps, and just a kiss was a huge goal in the process. 

Ronnie let herself relax at the feeling of John's warm lips against hers and joined his kiss, allowing him to kiss her a bit deeply and tasting each other after so long. 

It felt like an ancient memory coming out the deep of their hearts, both new and familiar at the same time. 

When they parted it was just to look into each other's eyes just to reprise a moment later, with some more passion and emotion, slow and languid. A few tears rolled down John's eyes and slid between their lips, making the kiss salty and bittersweet, while Ronnie buried her hands in his curly hair. 

When it was enough and before it got too much, they pulled away and John buried his face against her chest, beginning to cry quietly. 

Veronica kept softly brushing her hands along his back trying to soothe him, but she knew he needed to let it all out and was meant to stop only when he felt it. 

She started whispering a slow version of a song they used to dance to, many years ago when they were just married and the lyrics had less meaning than the music's tempo.

_ "We've been still together since way back then…  _

_ Sometimes I never want to see you again,  _

_ But I want you to know, after all these years:  _

_ You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear.  _

_ You're still the one I want to talk to in bed, still the one that turns my head.  _ _  
_ _ We're still having fun... and you're still the one…" _

John's hands clenched at her shirt and he sobbed stronger, trying to hold her closer even if it was physically impossible and Ronnie whispered loving nothings in his ears, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. 

It took a while for John to finally calm down and he clumsily apologised for having wetted her shirt with his tears, which made Ronnie chuckle softly. 

"Is it true?" He murmured, never leaving her hug. "Am I still the one, even if I hurt you so much?" 

"Of course you are, I still love you. Remember? You're an idiot, but you're my idiot. 

And my love is stronger than your mistakes." She kissed his forehead, softly cupping his cheek with her hands.

"I'm sorry…" He repeated, tears threatening to pour again.

"I know. I'm sorry too for all my wrongs." She whispered, caressing his face. She wasn’t innocent either, her stubbornness often clashing with his, her closed silences, all those lies about her own well being, her tentatives of hiding the dust under the rug in vain pretending it was all ok. They didn’t help to keep the pieces together. 

"You still did better than me, though…" John let out a broken chuckle, admitting the truth, and Ronnie sighed in acknowledgment. 

After a moment of thick silence, she slowly lifted his chin to look in his eyes and gave him a tender, genuine smile.

"John… this time I was so afraid you'd never come back. But you did." She whispered, her lower lip trembling, and John felt something lighting up in his chest, warming him up from the inside. 

He stretched up so he could wind his arms around her shoulders and gave a soft, delicate peck on her lips. 

"I was afraid too, but I understood it as well: I still love you." He admitted and a lift vanished from his chest.

Their foreheads pressed together, and John wished to be able to make her read his thoughts as he knew his words weren't enough.

But his voice and his gestures were enough for Veronica who smiled and closed her eyes, letting his warmth surround her in his embrace. 

It was a new beginning, and for each other they were still  _ the one _ .

\---*---

_ They said, "I bet they'll never make it" _

_ But just look at us holding on _

_ We're still together, still going strong. _

**Author's Note:**

> Note: The song Veronica sings is "Still the One" by The Orleans (1976), which is quite upbeat and danceable but also has very sweet lyrics.  
> The lyrics at the end are from another song with similar meaning but a much more romantic vibe, "You're still the One" by Shania Twain (1997) which happens to be in Veronica's playlist. (A while ago someone shared Luke's spotify playlists and there were also some playlists made for his parents and siblings gfhsjdks don't @ me I just looked at them because I was curious. They have good taste- )  
> I really like how this fic came out and I hope you'll like it too.


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